Our Top 5 Back-to-School Tips: Start With How Children Feel

Back-to-school season has a way of pulling adults toward all the visible things: the classroom setup, the schedule, the activities, the crafts, the first-day outfits, the photos, the labels, cubbies, routines, lesson plans, and carefully prepared materials.

But none of those things triumph over the emotional well-being of our children.

Before asking, What are we doing today? we need to ask: How do the children feel? Do they feel safe? Do they feel welcomed? Do they feel connected? Do they trust the adults around them? Do they have enough space to move, play, observe, and settle in at their own pace?

Because when a child’s nervous system is focused on finding safety, very little productive learning is going to happen. The formalities can come later.

As we head into a new school year, here are five of the most important things we hope both teachers and parents will keep in mind.

1. Nothing Triumphs Emotional Wellbeing

The schedule does not matter more than the child. The activity does not matter more than the child. The craft, photo, curriculum plan, circle time, classroom rule, or first-day tradition does not matter more than the child. How children feel in our care is the priority.

The beginning of a school year can bring enormous change: new adults, new children, new rooms, new expectations, new sounds, smells, routines, and separations. Even children who appear excited may be doing a tremendous amount of work internally to process it all. This is why warmth and responsiveness need to come first.

Get down on their level. Learn their names. Notice what interests them. Sit beside them while they play. Offer proximity without demanding participation. Let them observe. Welcome their feelings. Become predictable. We sometimes rush toward teaching children in the classroom before giving them enough time to trust the people inside it.

Relationships first. The formalities follow.

2. We Go First Back-to-School Tips

We cannot expect children to regulate themselves in an environment filled with dysregulated adults. Young children are still developing the neurological systems responsible for emotional regulation, impulse control, flexible thinking, and coping with stress. Regulation develops through repeated experiences of co-regulation with responsive adults. In other words, children borrow from our nervous systems while their own are still developing. Back-to-School Tips

So before the school year begins, prepare yourself too. Take a deep breath before responding. Slow your voice when the room gets louder. Relax your shoulders. Get lower instead of getting louder. Give yourself a moment before reacting to behavior.

And plan ahead. What will you say when a child is screaming at drop-off? What will you do when three children need you simultaneously? How will you respond when a child refuses to transition? What helps you stay grounded when the classroom feels chaotic?

We spend a lot of time planning what children will do. Spend some time planning how you will respond.

3. Don't Gaslight Children Through Hard Goodbyes

A child is crying at drop-off and we respond, “You’re okay!” A child says they’re scared and we tell them, “There’s nothing to be scared of!” A child desperately wants their parent and we reassure them, “You’re going to have so much fun!”

We understand why adults say these things. We want children to feel better. But reassurance should not require us to contradict a child’s actual experience. If a child does not feel okay, telling them they are okay does not make the feeling disappear.

Instead, acknowledge what is happening: “You really want Mom to stay.” “This feels hard right now.” “You’re sad that Dad left. I’m right here with you.” “You don’t know this classroom very well yet. We’ll figure it out together.”

Children do not need us to convince them out of their feelings. They need to experience those feelings alongside an adult who can handle them.

And parents, please don’t sneak out. We know how tempting it can be when your child is finally distracted, but children need their caregivers to be predictable and reliable, especially during separation. Create a goodbye ritual, keep it simple, be loving and clear, tell your child you are leaving, and then follow through.

There may still be tears. The goal is not necessarily a tear-free goodbye. The goal is helping children learn through experience: The adults I love tell me what is happening. They leave when they say they are leaving. And they come back.

4. Let Play and Natural Rhythms Lead

Yes, predictable routines are valuable. No, that does not mean the first few days need to become a boot camp for mastering the classroom schedule. A routine should serve children. Children should not have to serve the routine.

If play is deeply engaged, perhaps lunch can wait another five minutes. If children are struggling through multiple transitions, perhaps there are transitions we can eliminate. If circle time is falling apart every morning, perhaps the question isn’t, How do we make them sit? Perhaps the question is, Do they need this right now?

Young children live according to natural rhythms of movement, hunger, rest, connection, exploration, and play. Strong early childhood environments create predictability while remaining responsive to those rhythms.

You also do not need an impressive lineup of back-to-school activities waiting for children. You need time. Time to explore the room, investigate materials, find favorite spaces, watch other children, connect with adults, move, go outside, and return to something they discovered yesterday. And lots and lots of time to play.

Establish consistency without becoming rigid. Keep the beginning primarily play-based and let children settle into the environment before asking them to conform to everything we planned for it.

5. Observe First. Plan Second.

Play gives us invaluable information about the children in front of us. What captures their attention? What are they curious about? How do they approach other children? What materials do they return to? What patterns are emerging? What challenges them? What makes them laugh? Where do they feel most comfortable?

Before planning weeks of curriculum for children you barely know, get to know the children.

Sit on the floor. Read the same favorite book again. Learn the names of family members. Follow children into their play instead of constantly directing it. Notice the child standing at the edge of the group. Offer connection without forcing interaction. Become an adult children know they can return to.

Then let what you learn begin informing where the curriculum goes.

The relationship you build is not separate from the learning. It creates the conditions that make learning possible.

Years from now, children probably won't remember the adorable first-day activity. They won't remember whether the bulletin board was finished, the matching classroom theme, the first-day craft, or whether everyone smiled for the photo. But the experiences they have in our care are helping shape what they come to expect from relationships, learning environments, and themselves.

Am I safe here? Will someone help me when things feel hard? Are my feelings welcome? Can I trust these adults? Do my ideas matter? Is this a place where I can play, explore, move, make mistakes, and be myself?

That's the work.

As you prepare for the new school year, prepare the classroom. Make the plans. Think through your routines. Gather your materials. But when children walk through that door, remember:

Nothing triumphs their emotional wellbeing.

Start there. Everything else can follow.

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